


For My Brother

by felix_is_a_gay_newsie



Series: Losing My Mind Universe [2]
Category: Blood Drips on Newsies Square (1991), Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Abuse, Blood, Burns, Can be read as stand alone, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, The Refuge, Violence, and creepy, chapter two of losing my mind from race's perspective, he's horrible, i hate snyder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 11:18:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16911909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felix_is_a_gay_newsie/pseuds/felix_is_a_gay_newsie
Summary: Weak.Broken.Wrong.My screams fill the basement, but even that's not enough satisfaction for him.





	For My Brother

**Author's Note:**

> chapter two of Losing My Mind from Race's perspective

I think he’s finally done with me when Snyder leaves the room. I immediately slump to the floor, exhausted from the pain.

And then he’s back.

Not even five minutes later Snyder is back, shouting at me, and I struggle to push myself up from the cold floor, hastily moving back into my previous position.

“I got a surprise for you.” Snyder sneers.

His smile makes me want to vomit.

I can hear the striking of a new match as Snyder steps around behind me again, and I can’t stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. It’s all I can do to keep them from spilling over onto my cheeks.

I can’t handle any more pain.

I can’t be strong.

Jack is gone, off on a train, and everyone is depending on me to be the new leader, but I can’t.

I’m weak.

The tears don’t escape, but another scream does.

And another.

Each time the cigar is pressed into my skin I release another scream, and I feel so pathetic for breaking so fast, so dirty for crying out when the pain has only just begun.

Snyder pauses a moment, and I look up, wondering if he’s stopping for real this time.

“Because what’s the point of screaming if there’s no one to hear?” Snyder whispers in my ear, and my eyes are drawn to the top of the stairs where a figure now stands.

I stare at the figure through the darkness as he (I’m assuming he’s a he, there aren’t many girls in the Refuge) is escorted down the stairs.

His leg is bent at a horrible angle, and for a moment I’m worried he’s Crutchie, but no, Crutchie shorter than him.

He leans against the wall to support his weight as the guard who brought him disappears back up the stairs.

Who is he?

It must be one of my brothers, or someone I know, and I lower my head.

I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.

“Don’t do this.” He says, his voice breaking.

It can’t be.

It can’t.

I look up again, and although he is blurry through the tears still threatening to fall, his voice matches his face.

“Jack?” I ask, not really believing that it’s him.

And it is.

I thought he was gone.

I thought I would never see him again.

I almost want to cry because I’m so glad to see his familiar face.

Jack, my older brother, the boy who promised he would always be there for me.

“Leave him alone. He don’t deserve this. It’s me that ya want.” Jack’s voice is a bit stronger now, and he tries to adjust his position, but he trips over his own feet and manages to half slump himself against the wall.

I suddenly feel ashamed again, I don’t want him seeing me like this.

So weak and helpless.

I’m painfully aware of the fact that I’m not wearing a shirt and that all of my old scars are clearly visible on my chest.

“It’s okay, Jack.” I say, almost expecting my voice to fail me. But it doesn’t. I manage a bit of bravado, I think.

I can do this.

I can be strong for Jack.

For Jack.

I’m doing this for Jack.

“Let ‘im go!” Jack pleads, and I can hear the strain in his voice.

“Oh, I think I’d like to have a bit more fun with him first.”

I’m scared, I’m so, so scared.

I want to be out of this hell, this trap.

I want to be in my own bed, with Albert, only having to worry about losing bets at the racetrack.

I want to cry into my brother’s arms until everything disappears.

I think Jack says something else, but I can’t hear him over the pounding in my ears.

But I do hear the white hot pain searing through my neck, a wave of fire crashing down upon me yet again.

But I look into Jack’s eyes, and I know I can’t scream.

I’m doing this for Jack.

So I bite the inside of my cheek and hold in the scream that bubbles up in my throat, desperate to free itself from my suffering.

But I hunch my shoulders and wince through it, waiting for the pain to subside at least a little.

Snyder leans down close to my ear and his voice is smooth like chocolate but full of poison. “No scream this time?” He asks, almost lovingly. “Not even for your pal Jack? You were yelling so nicely for me before.”

I swallow the bile rising up in my throat, fighting my scream for territory, and try to keep my whole body from shaking.

His voice makes me sick, his sweet threats are toxic.

“Stop.” I say, trying not to sound too desperate as I gasp for air. “I won’t… I’m not…”

I stop trying to speak, I know I can’t.

“Let’s try this again, shall we? Unless you think I would get more of a reaction from your boyfriend?”

And I can already hear Albert’s screams ringing through my ears, see his face screwed up with pain and tears, feel his heartbeat slowing to a crawl.

“Don’t-you can’t-I-” I can’t even get a single sentence out, but it doesn’t matter anyway.

That dreadful fire has consumed me again, and my screams fill the basement yet again.

The tears finally break free, and I shake my head when Jack calls out to me.

I want to forget he’s here, it would be so much better if he were gone, because then he wouldn’t see me like this.

Broken and in pain, a little brother following in his footsteps.

**Author's Note:**

> check out the rest of Losing My Mind y'all! Check out my tumblr y'all! (@thatpoorguysheadisspinning)  
> i love you babes leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed


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